Wasteland Campaign

It’s Not Easy Being Green

Timeline: ??? Feywild merged

Ketyl’s POV

As we reached our destination, I felt us skid to a stop. Dan began to explain where we were going when I heard some shouting and pounding on the door.

As we opened the hatch to see what was happening, a disheveled looking gnome covered in a seemingly-freshly skinned jaguar pelt and thong stumbled in, rambling about drugs and us bothering him.

As I looked closer, I recognized him as El Chuch, the gnome who had rescued us from the collapsed Guardians of Lore fortress. But what on earth was he doing here? How had he managed to survive so long alone in the Feywild?

Before I could ask any questions, Dan proclaimed that Ashava had told him that the dagger was upriver, and El Chuch responded that he could get us there if we promised a good time. I almost forgot to mention that Dan had apparently created some “mini-Korbin” out of ice like he had created that simulacrum of himself. Hope he doesn’t ever try that on me, it gives me the creeps. Oh, and one of the soldiers came along, but their contribution isn’t really much for the narrative, so don’t worry too much about that.

We eventually came upon a bridge where Korbin was ambushed by kobolds in the trees and a troll across the river. The bridge broke as he fell into the water, not that he was in any danger of drowning. I tossed a fireball upwards to kill the kobolds while the others took care of the troll with several blows and arrows. We began to move on, though Dan found some skin carving on the troll that he said was Draconic. At first, I thought it was just that the troll was affiliated with kobolds, but I’d soon be proven wrong. Throughout our journey, El Chuch kept pointing out different hazards and kept describing creatures with bizarre names and descriptors I’d never heard of. I guess things are more different in the Feywild than I thought.

We soon came upon a beach leading into a great lake. Several of us swam, while Dan chose to fly. I summoned Chamomile to carry me through the sky. Soon, I heard Ethel begin screaming in panic, furiously scrubbing her arms. I flew down to pick her up by the foot, worried that whatever was going on could spread. She moaned that she was blind and some fungus was the cause. Unlucky break. Unfortunately, without Lyanna, we had nobody who could cure her ailment.

As we travelled on, I saw a treasure chest appear in the water. I’m a little ashamed to admit that I hadn’t seen a treasure chest in quite a while and I got a little overexcited, so I flew down to investigate. Something seemed off though, why was this chest just floating in the water? I blasted it open from a distance with an eldritch beam from my finger, just in case it was a trap.

Spoilers, it was. We were blasted with some kind of poison spray from underneath the water. Korbin managed to kill the creatures, tiny green dragons, save one who fled. Way more powerful than I’d expect, a side-effect of the Feywild? There was no treasure unfortunately, just another note in Draconic. Starting to gather that we’d be swarmed by dragons for the rest of our stay in this particular region. Makes me miss the owlbears.

We finally came to a great mass of rock that we began to scale. On top of the mountain was none other than a huge green dragon and the tiny dragon who had clearly come to warn it. After a quick skirmish, we took a look around to see other mountains similar to this one in a semi-circle around this great lake. And, off in the distance, we saw many dragons swirling around our destination. We had a long way to go.

As we began setting up in a small cave on the mountain, I turned to find that El Chuch had disappeared as quickly as he had stumbled back into our lives. Had he drunkenly fallen off the cliff? Can’t blame him though, a dragon gauntlet wasn’t exactly high on my bucket list.

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Escaping to the Time Machine

Timeline: ??? Feywild merged future

Ketyl’s POV

As we looked for a way to escape, we were being surrounded on all sides by the cybernetic men. After getting pelted by dozens of bolts, I turned invisible and used the jetpack to rocket up the levels. Korbin’s massive muscles allowed him to carry my comrades as he literally launched himself up many floors at a time. They managed to get out before I did at the speed he was going. It wasn’t until I was near the top that I realized there was open sky above us, so I teleported out and saw the others facing off against dozens of the soldiers. I reversed the gravity in the area to make things easier for my allies, but suddenly the control tower was destroyed from repeated lightning strikes and Korbin’s blows.

Thus was I left with dozens of innocent soldiers guaranteed to die if I released my spell, but there was no way to save them. Or so I thought, we managed to use a combination of rope lassos and jetpacks to retrieve them.

During all this, Dan had seemingly unlocked and repaired the time machine. His mutterings suggested that he was somehow getting instructions from Ashava. Apparently, we were now heading to where we could retrieve the dagger of prophecy. With a bunch of time-displaced soldiers in tow… What could possibly go wrong?

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Everybody Makes Mistakes

Timeline: ??? Feywild merged future

Ketyl’s POV

Soon after Korbin and Kronk arrive, Ethel appeared in a flash of moonlight. I quickly explained to her all the shenanigans that it happened in the short while that she was gone. We suddenly heard a conflict happening outside the time machine and we went to investigate it. We saw a legion of Ashavite cyborg warriors defeating the fey. In different circumstances, this would be worthy of a ballad on its own. Considering our recent loss of Lyanna, however, I couldn’t muster the will to write one. Perhaps I’ll come back to this memory one day and compose one.

After the fight was over, we approached and asked what was going on. They looked at us with reverence, exclaiming that we came in a metal vessel that was supposedly prophesied to help them spread the religion throughout all of time and claimed that the Elder was the new prophet of the religion after Lyanna had died of old age. I assume he had mind controlled her into making him her “disciple.” I knew it was a dumb idea to leave her in the past on her own. Reluctantly, we allowed them to bring us and the time machine back to their base so we could meet the elder. Korbin and Kronk wondered if the Elder had turned over a new leaf in the many years passed, though the rest of us assumed it was a trap.

Once we arrived at the base, we learned more about this new society. Apparently, they were part of a hive mind that was connected by technology and not magic. Korbin believed that submitting to these cybernetic upgrades and joining the hive mind would allow him to control all the soldiers. Against my better judgment, we agreed to let him be the experimental subject. Soon after the procedure was completed, Korbin seemed to be completely fine and was indeed able to command the soldiers. He claimed that with all five of us, we’d be able to control the whole army.

I was next in line to choose the procedure. This would prove to be my first very stupid decision of the day. I immediately felt my mind begin to erode under the influence of the Elder. I was able to retain some form of resistance, but it was not enough to allow me to disobey completely.

I was compelled to lie to my team and tell them everything was ok, but I was able to express through hand signals and facial expression that everything was NOT ok. This would prove to be my second stupid decision in as many moments. Korbin immediately noticed and attacked me for diverting from the instructions that the Elder gave me. I went unconscious immediately.

I must admit that I don’t know much of what happened during this conflict, but I woke up briefly to Dan’s healing touch. Korbin seemed to be freed from his compulsion, but still able to control the soldiers. I, however, was still compelled. I felt lightning strike my body, and all was darkness once more.

This time, Kronk stood over me, and the party stood ready to attack me again should I still be controlled. Luckily, the lightning seemed to have done the trick and I was no longer compelled. Apparently, Korbin’s soldiers were attempting to “free” the others from bondage, but most had to be killed.

We saw a soldier approach us on a catwalk, and we heard the familiar lilt of the Elder’s speech patterns. He claimed that he was glad we survived as things had gotten so boring in this future with nobody to challenge his reign. The dominated soldier dove headfirst into the ground, dying immediately only to be replaced by another on the catwalk. I dully responded that this was a pretty lame attempt at intimidating us, given that he hadn’t killed even one of us yet even with his many attempts. Not for good anyway.

He laughed and said it was refreshing to have heroes who didn’t treat him with any respect. Surprisingly, he said that he’d allow us to leave if we could find the time machine that he’d hidden. I again responded that we really didn’t need his permission and told him him that he should expect to die soon. In a different time period. Relativistically soon, you know what I mean.

The sirens blaring, we looked at each other and started to search for the time machine.

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And the Law Lost

Timeline: ????

Ketyl’s POV

It wasn’t long before a fight broke out. We struggled to fight against the overwhelming onslaught of the golems and the wizards. We eventually managed to stop the fight after Kronk sent us hurtling through time and opened the exit hatch. The scenery revealed a massive battle and the gnomes called for a ceasefire.

They claimed that we had to be VERY careful as we were now at one of the most pivotal times in history: the founding of the Ashavite religion thousands of years ago. I had not planned to go to the endgame this early. The gnomes explained that anything done here could cause a massive paradox unlike anything we’d done before. Suddenly, Lyanna revealed that she wanted to stay at this point in time as it was her destiny to die here and spread the word of Ashava and the Messiah.

I tried to calm her down, reminding her that we could come back to this point in time later, perhaps with more of a plan. Then, the ultimate shocker came when Dan pulled the lever, turning off the artificial gravity and sending us all tumbling towards the exit. Lyanna and most of the gnomes tumbled through, while the head gnome was restrained by Korbin. Dan quickly flipped the switch back on once Lyanna had gone through. Luckily, she had the jetpack and we heard the telltale sound of it activating. Soon, a massive explosion of energy boomed outside, and a portal appeared. Apparently, a dozen golems and gnomes crashing into the middle of a massive battle they’d never been a part of caused a pretty significant paradox. Unlike our previous paradoxes, though, this one had far worse consequences.

It was spreading. The portal grew until it seemed to consume everything. The gnome began to panic, saying that a portal to the Feywild had opened so violently that the two planes had merged. I was FURIOUS with Dan and asked the gnome if there was any way to fix this, when Kronk quietly suggested that we could just leave things this way. I quickly put two and two together and realized that Kronk WANTED this to happen. I couldn’t believe that the man I trusted with my life was willing to throw the entire world away for his own selfish desires. As I looked upon the energy spilling out from the portal, I began to realize that the story I had hoped to tell of Dan’s TIme Dudes… a story of gallant heroes who risked everything to save the world and the future…was nothing but a sham.

We are not heroes. The group is made of reckless children who can’t even trust each other. I looked upon the gnome cop, realizing that I didn’t even know his name. Perhaps we really deserved to be imprisoned, especially now that our world was now completely consumed by the Feywild. Millions of innocent people were now erased and I seemed to be the only one who cared.

The gnome piped up, claiming that we MIGHT be able to fix the paradox by releasing a burst of temporal energy, but too large a burst could end up destroying the ship and killing us. Even if we survived, we would be stranded. The gnome quipped that all this could have been avoided if we had simply gone with him and discussed how to fix the problem. I wasn’t really convinced of that, but whatever. The others suggested we go to the far future and see if it was really all that bad. Resigned at this point, I reluctantly agreed. When we arrived at our destination, I decided to rest at the time machine with Dan while Korbin and Kronk went exploring. I had no interest in seeing the results of my companions’ recklessness. They seemed excited, thinking our quest might as well be over.

After a day or so, they came running in breathless, claiming that the Fey were on their way to destroy the time machine. Apparently, it was “offensive” to the Archfey since it was not of nature’s design. I wonder, who could have foreseen that the Fey would end being massive dicks? Oh right, anyone who’s ever dealt with a fey.

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We’ll Fight the Law

Timeline: 10/09/00-10/10/00-????

Ketyl’s POV

With some quick negotiations, we managed to defuse the situation. Lyanna was named Empress and we decided to let her rule the kingdom after all the time-traveling was over. We’d worry about the whole pesky “Lyanna dies as part of a prophecy” later. It’s not like we haven’t dealt with paradoxes before. As part of the deal with the angels, we asked them to take out all the demons, fire elementals, vampires, and werewolves in the kingdom.

I went to sleep soon after that since it was very late, but apparently Korbin spent his night smuggling the vampires out of the city. Unlike most of his plans, this didn’t directly endanger the timeline, so more power to him. He described it later as being necessary since most of the positions of power in the army were held by vampires and too much of a vacuum could cause chaos. Not being too familiar with the Empire’s politics, I honestly hadn’t thought about that.

In the morning, I learned that the time machine had reappeared and was swarming with demons, per usual. The Elder really has to come up with better plans to stop us other than just throwing more and more demons at us, it’s clearly not working. It’s not terribly surprising that this “mastermind’s” plans are being disrupted by our particular brand of chucklefuckery.

So we destroyed the demons and entered the time machine, but Orin wasn’t there. Instead, we were surrounded by a bunch of gnomes and metal statues (probably some kind of robot). They said that they were time-travelers like us, but from centuries further in the future. I guess our actions had somewhat helped if there’s no apocalypse in the future. Apparently, Orin had not been there when they found it in the future. So either he managed to finally get out of his time loop or he was erased somehow.

They seemed very interested in our travels and learning how paradoxes worked and started writing things down. Suddenly, it hit me why they had come to find us. Time Cops! They were here to protect the timestream and saw us as threats since we caused paradoxes.

They told us that we were under arrest and that we had to be tried in their court of law. We would be granted a lawyer, but everything we had already said would be on the record due to some stupid time law. As we looked at each other, I began to evaluate our options…

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The Death of Moldark

Timeline: 10/09/00

Ketyl’s POV

We ran through the sewers to get back to Shao Khan before Moldark could enact his plan. We emerged in the courtyard and bolted straight for the throne room. Two guards tried to stop us, but we took them out quickly. Opening the door, we were confronted with the sight of the Emperor lying staked on the floor with Moldark, Pence, and several minor vampires milling around.

Moldark saw us and the fight was on. I charmed the minions to remove Shao Khan’s stake and to flee, narrowing the battlefield. Dan began firing sunbeams at the remaining vampires, but Moldark was still kicking. Shao Khan briefly reawakened and fought Moldark, but his new demonic powers were still too powerful and Shao Khan had to flee to his coffin. Ethel blasted Moldark twice with the holy salt water gun, reopening wounds and slowing the creature to a crawl.

It wasn’t long before we finally slew the beast that had plagued us since the beginning of our journey. But, there was always a catch. I began to hear a joyous chorus as we looted the bodies and went to heal Shao Khan. I initially dismissed it as celebration that Moldark would not be emperor. As we entered Shao Khan’s tomb, we were followed by a host of angels that had come through a portal opened by the paradox of Moldark’s death.

I managed to convince them that Shao Khan’s presence was actually beneficial to the realm, as he held everyone in check. They gave him the option to be redeemed and he seemed to want to pass on. But we still had the problem of who would rule after the Khan? We asked the angels for a week to find a ruler, but they refused to budge and moved to take the Khan by force.

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The Trial

Timeline: 10/09/00

Ketyl’s POV

After our battle aboard the ship, we decided to get some rest before the trial. When we awoke, we managed to sneak our way into the castle undetected. Ethel and Dan went ahead to the throne room while I stayed behind to keep an eye on Korbin, who had attracted Lord Bannon’s attention.

I learned that we hadn’t killed everyone on the boat like we thought and that our past selves were sentenced to hang for our crimes. I wasn’t entirely sure if this would cause a paradox since we were supposed to die around this time anyway, but I didn’t want to chance it. I snuck away to inform Dan and Ethel to discuss our plan to exonerate our past selves. Before I could do that, some commotion happened and Korbin sprinted past me with Bannon struggling to keep up. I saw Bannon smack into what seemed to be nothing and put together that there was some kind of barrier. I managed to hop over it with a little help from the wall hangings.

Once the trial began, we quickly cleared up that our current selves were time travelers that already knew what would happen should Moldark succeed the throne. We also brought forth a lot of damning information that had Zinky and Pence stripped of their titles and power. Moldark claimed that he was trying to find a way out of the contract, but we didn’t believe him.

As we were discussing, suddenly the town erupted in flames and we learned that our past selves had been killed and that fiery creatures were pouring out of portals. We quickly explained that this was a paradox that happened bc Moldark’s men killed us before we were supposed to die.

We quickly mopped up a few of the monsters in the southwest part of the city, before we realized that we had left Shao Khan with Moldark and all the conspirators. He had a chance since he now suspected treachery, but for how long?

We began running back to the throne room to give him a fighting chance.

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I Will Go Down With This Ship
And I Won’t Put My Hands Up

Timeline: 10/08/00-10/09/00

Ketyl’s POV

As I was wiping the blood from my mouth, I saw Korbin disappear only to be replaced with Dan.

We managed to restrain the one surviving assassin and interrogate him. He wouldn’t tell us anything until we promised to take him to some point in the future so he would be safe. Like we’re actually going to do that.

Anyway, we didn’t learn too much about Moldark, only that he has a regenerative ability stronger than other vampires, but the holy salt water should take care of that. His team, though, is nothing we can’t handle.

However, the distribution of Slurnbase seems to have stopped completely. Go us! Although that might bode ill for Korbin’s obsessions with those drug tubes.

Apparently, there seems to be bad blood between Count Flynn and Counts Mattis and Pence. We can use that.

Ethel seemed oddly fixated on Lord Flynn, who sent the mercs after us. She seemed to believe he’d have documents that even Priebus, head of Moldark’s staff, wouldn’t have. Seems like a big assumption, but fine. If it all goes tits up, I’m sure Lord Priebus will have the dagger on him anyway.

So we sent the assassin on his way, promising to meet up with him at the fortress near the woods. We found out that Flynn was on a ship a quarter mile offshore, so we rested until early morning to approach by a rowboat we acquired.

As we approached, we were obviously noticed. I was going to say that we were sent by Priebus as backup since one of the assassins wasn’t found, so he must have blabbed…but then Dan and Ethel started trying to sell them those nasty Sard-apples. We didn’t even have a barrel, how would we have Sard-apples?

So naturally, we had to kill them all. After a few blasts of ice, fire, arrows, and sunbeams, Dan managed to grab as many documents as he could and we sunk the ship by setting it completely ablaze. As we drifted away on a stolen lifeboat, Dan sent off a beacon of Count Pence’s symbol. Seems like a pretty obvious frame-job, but maybe it’ll work.

I think the next plan of action should be sneaking into Priebus’ place and retrieving the dagger that Korbin gave away. With all the commotion and accusation against Pence, he might be too busy to guard his belongings. And maybe, I can find something for myself while I’m there.

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Meeting the Emperor

Timeline: 10/05/00 PRESENT DAY- 10/08/00 PRESENT DAY

Ketyl’s POV

As we came out of the woods, only Korbin, myself, Kronk, Lyanna, and Ethel were around. The rest seemed to have disappeared to the moon. Feels like I’m the only one who doesn’t get a funky moon adventure.

Not that I had a long time to worry about it, as horns were blown and we were immediately escorted by guards to the little fortress. Apparently, we still had some distance to cover before reaching Sanctuary. We learned that the barbarian problem had mostly burnt out with the lack of Slurnbase. I guess we actually did a better job than I thought? However, they were replaced by never-ending waves of demons. We might have to take care of that somehow before we leave this time period.

We spent the next few days traveling toward Sanctuary and came across a group of travelers. I recognized the voices and tried to warn the party to stay back, but Korbin went over and greeted the members of our party. Or rather, the past version of us. Luckily, they seemed to be too busy to pay too much attention to the weirdly similar guy that talked to them.

But…we didn’t show up here last time until the 13th… a minor paradox? We might be on a tighter time clock than anticipated. And what about those demons? We didn’t come across them last time.

I decided that we needed to disguise ourselves and managed to adequately disguise most of us, though it’s hard to make a Minotaur look too different with the supplies I had. At least compared to making a human look like an elf or a dwarf. I had to settle with simply changing the color of his fur and adding a few scars.

Ethel intercepted a note and interrogated the messenger in a weirdly flirty manner. But we got a lot of info. Apparently, Moldark had showed up as powerful as last time, but with Louis’ head on a pike! And tons of wizards verified it was real for Shao Khan. Did we actually manage to kill him? As a result, Shao Khan was leaning towards naming Moldark as his heir. We decided to try the front door this time since the ceremony was a few days away still. So at least that hadn’t changed.

We managed to get in easily enough, and met with Count Priebus. He was hesitant about letting us meet with Shao Khan ahead of everyone else, when suddenly Korbin gave him the dagger that we needed to kill the Elder! I was livid that Korbin would do such a thing, but I struggled to contain myself. I’d simply have to retrieve it later. Priebus mysteriously let us through after holding the dagger. That’s ominous. Hopefully, that won’t bite us in the ass later. But it probably will.

We headed up the stairs and briefly bumped in Count Sessions and Ethel flipped out and got herself thrown in jail despite our protests. Sigh, it’s like herding cats with this party. Guess it’s a good thing Dan is usually the leader.

We finally got to meet Shao Khan and it was pretty impressive with dozens of guards lining the halls. I tried to keep the info given to just what happened at the meeting and what we learned there (in order to minimize the chance of paradoxes, obviously), but Korbin once again revealed that we’re time travelers. I guess that makes it easier to explain, but it’s going to screw us later, I know it. With all the testimony we gave, Shao Khan said there would be a trial for Moldark at midnight tomorrow. If he was found innocent, Moldark would be named heir to the throne and Shao Khan would step down willingly, even giving up his vampirism.

We decided to go to Count Priebus’ wine tasting. Well, except for Kronk, who fucked off somewhere. I had to retrieve that dagger since Korbin seems so nonchalant about preventing the end of the world. But, as I asked around, he didn’t seem to be here at all. Just as I started to get suspicious, we were immediately surrounded and shanked by some waiters. I didn’t have much time to think about these assassins our enemies had obviously sent before I went unconscious momentarily. Luckily, Korbin mopped them up. I’d be more grateful if we weren’t at this party because of his recklessness.

Political intrigue is hard, you guys.

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Facing Our Demons

Timeline: 0 AQB forward to 10/05/00 AQB

Ketyl’s POV

As we teleported into Silotown, we were quickly approached by Kreg, Dale, Grimsbone, and Gullycloak. We explained the situation to them and they were unsurprisingly suspicious of our story. I pointed out that time travel is hardly that different in scale from killing a god.

They agreed to help us with our plan. We even managed to get word to Gullycloak about the location of Morael’s phylactery. Perhaps he would be able to help us get inside the castle or even more. We spent a week getting all the supplies we needed, including the holy salt and the fire-hose dispenser. Certainly one of us could operate it.

Our plan set, we headed off to find Orin and explained our plan. He asked if we wanted to go to the time where he got the throne or where we unseated him. I pointed out that he was telling us too much information again.

As we stepped out of the time machine, we were confronted by demons that had apparently taken over the forests of the Northern Kingdom. They were menacing some of Shao Khan’s troops, but we took care of them. The demons seemed to know where we were going to show up. Do we have a mole? Why didn’t Shao Khan’s army of devils take care of the demons? They should still be around at this point in time.

We needed to move quickly and quietly for this plan to go off without a hitch.

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