Saturday Group: 2/13/16
In game date: 12/28
As they walk along the road, arguing about who’s in charge, a Gargantuan dinosaur with six four-armed gorillas ripping the dinosaur apart. As the dino crashes down, they hear a booming sound announcing the first event as two gorillas fall prone off the dino. Harsk slices one of the gorillas up and the other rushes to the dinosaur.
They are ripping this dino to shreds. Two hats hit a gorilla and the dino. The hats cover the gorilla and the dino in a viscous substance, and one gorilla slips off. The rest are shook off by the dino and land prone as it struggles to get up. Gullycloak commands the gorilla to kill its friends, but it shakes it off cuz the playas gonna play play play play play. Grimsbone throws a rock, and Harsk slices up a few more gorillas. A few gorillas try attacking Harsk and Gullycloak, but fucking eat it. Some gorillas attack Harsk, most missing, but one manages to rip him up a little bit.
Hatter tells a lame joke, but the joke doesn’t land. The dino swipes his tail and smacks Harsk and the gorillas, running away until Harsk slices through its foot, snapping its neck as it slowly comes to a skidding halt. Grimsbone throws another rock but misses. Gullycloak proclaims the power of Ashava as a gorilla jumps and bites him. The gorilla with the broken leg struggles to crawl away from the carnage. Hatter tells him a funny joke, but he doesn’t get it either. Gullycloak releases a burst of darkness, absolutely obliterating the gorilla. Grimsbone smashes in the crippled gorilla’s skull.
As they continue on down the road, they hear a ringing and hear that there’s no sign of Zap. But from House Costanzo, a champion named Diesel, a burly dwarf psycho, has been released. He claims that he would never disgrace the House Costanzo. Something seems to be coming in our general direction from above. As they come across the Fiveleague House, they see a bunch of kung fu gorillas. Gullycloak talks to their leader and the leader scrambles to get the piece, handing it off to Harsk. They decide to head on to Harkenwold before Diesel gets back.
As they travel, Hatter gets a stitch so they rest for a bit, then move on once he catches his breath. Two logs come swinging down at Grimsbone, but it misses him. Diesel comes out with dozens of halflings, clearly being a huge pussy who can’t fight by himself. He attacks the group, but gets cut down with no mercy, scaring half of the halflings away. The rest of the halflings come swarming around them, stabbing wildly. Hatter throws some hats, but turns immediately to stone. Gullycloak cuts a rope above the logs and Grimsbone kicks the log, smacking a bunch of halflings. Harsk kills a few more, and the rest run away. Gully cures Hatter of his stony visage.
After a bunch of looting, they set off and go through some choking spores but seem to be all right. The sky bursts in excitement. From the House Bruschelli, Hawk is the new champion. Looks like a brunette archer (read: Katniss) with a braided ponytail. Hatter picks some mushrooms and gets super high. We see another dot coming down.
The trees are getting more sparse. Some velociraptors are coming with halfings riding them. They suddenly start freaking out as visions of hell plague them, and most of them scatter. After they are all crushed, shot or scattered, Hatter takes the leader’s headdress. He tries to tame a raptor and gets bit. He throws a hat on it and Harsk chops the raptor’s head off. The Hatter picks up the head, planning to use it as a puppet.
The sky lights up and House Escavel brings out their champion, Ice. Ice is wearing blue spandex with a white lightning bolt. Claims he’s going to sneak up on us. The King of Lions comes up, claiming that he’s here to watch the show. Hatter throws a hat at him. He tells them that Hawk is the greatest hunter, being able to shoot 15 arrows at once. Arnold the Lion has some cocaine and LOVES IT. He joins them temporarily in their quest. They see some dude, probably Ice, on a winged creature heading in the same direction.
As they continue, they see a gorge called the White River. Ice jumps out, blasting the ground with ice. He mocks them as he steps back, feeling a telekinetic fist up his ass. A swarm of monkeys is attempting to claw through some kind of bubble around Ice. Gullycloak accidentally throws a coin directly up Grimsbone’s ass. Ice shoots insect swarms at all of them. Arnold gets bitten really bad by the insects and doesn’t feel so good. Gullycloak casts a spell that partially shatters Ice’s bones. A tree smacks Harsk across the back. Hatter jumps gracefully across the ice and accidentally throws a hat on Arnold. Arnold shimmers out of existence and back into existence in front of Ice, then promptly drops dead. Harsk slices through the swarm and severely messes up the tree, but goes unconscious as the tree slams its limbs into his body. Gullycloak boneshatters him again. Hatter throws a hat and it goes through the bubble, but misses. He throws another hat and it lands on Ice.