Wasteland Campaign

Battle has Ended
Time to Rest...or Not?

Wednesday Group: 2/17/16
In game date: 1/5

Kia summons a poison frog and Hiita roasts some more Morlocks. Sanura tosses a pumpkin bomb to kill a Cyclops, but hits a peasant as well. Dakota rapidly starts attacking the construct. The Earth Elemental pounds the general and Garth turns a Cyclops into a frog. Ocular Superiority gasps for air as his minion attempts to give him CPR. Some Morlocks attack the elemental, but don’t seem to get very far. One Morlock attempts to attack Dakota and accidentally bites his General.

Varia, in her delusion, begins attacking her allies and the general. As the general dies, souls are being released into the sky. As he shrieks, Varia is stunned by the sonic scream. Dakota hears someone try to dominate him, but he shakes it off. Fenrir throws some water into Ocular Superiority’s mouth, and OS starts to look a bit better. Sanura kills the CycloFrog and Dakota begins attacking Varia, knocking her out. Garth directs his elemental to grapple Dakota to prevent him from doing more damage, and encases some Morlocks in glass.

Ocular Superiority and the Cyclops run off to dunk him in the river. The water tank rushes some of the party and some kind of worm appears in front of Garth. Fenrir teleports into the hose tank and tries to pop the hatch. Hiita fires a fireball at the worm, but it seems to have dodged. Sanara manages to keep the tank from moving. Garth turns invisible upon learning how dangerous this neothelid is. The Fire Guild guards rush to help Varia, and helps her stabilize. Two small compartments open and mucusy tentacles pop out and slap Fenrir in his proselytizing face as well as Sanara, seemingly changing her. Fenrir starts draining the tank and manages to pull himself out of the tank. Kia summons her frog and attempts to flee. Hiita learns the neothelid is an illusion and Sanara drops a bomb or two in the tank.

Dakota rushes to attack Fenrir and hits him. The tank rushes off, with Dakota and Fenrir still on it. Fenrir jumps off, compelling Dakota to attack the fish inside the tank. Hiita fires a fireball at the tank. Dakota stabs the shit out of the Aboleth, releasing himself from domination. Garth summons a positive energy elemental to heal Varia and she takes the chance to kill a lot of Morlocks. Varia, Fenrir, and Dakota finish off the rest of the enemies. Jebediah, the peasant survives. Fenrir speaks with the dead Aboleth, and learns that they have taken over everything from here to OS’s former lair. The priestess is going to the undersea kingdom to take its page.

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The Angry Games Continue!
Diesel is a little bitch!

Saturday Group: 2/13/16
In game date: 12/28

As they walk along the road, arguing about who’s in charge, a Gargantuan dinosaur with six four-armed gorillas ripping the dinosaur apart. As the dino crashes down, they hear a booming sound announcing the first event as two gorillas fall prone off the dino. Harsk slices one of the gorillas up and the other rushes to the dinosaur.

They are ripping this dino to shreds. Two hats hit a gorilla and the dino. The hats cover the gorilla and the dino in a viscous substance, and one gorilla slips off. The rest are shook off by the dino and land prone as it struggles to get up. Gullycloak commands the gorilla to kill its friends, but it shakes it off cuz the playas gonna play play play play play. Grimsbone throws a rock, and Harsk slices up a few more gorillas. A few gorillas try attacking Harsk and Gullycloak, but fucking eat it. Some gorillas attack Harsk, most missing, but one manages to rip him up a little bit.

Hatter tells a lame joke, but the joke doesn’t land. The dino swipes his tail and smacks Harsk and the gorillas, running away until Harsk slices through its foot, snapping its neck as it slowly comes to a skidding halt. Grimsbone throws another rock but misses. Gullycloak proclaims the power of Ashava as a gorilla jumps and bites him. The gorilla with the broken leg struggles to crawl away from the carnage. Hatter tells him a funny joke, but he doesn’t get it either. Gullycloak releases a burst of darkness, absolutely obliterating the gorilla. Grimsbone smashes in the crippled gorilla’s skull.

As they continue on down the road, they hear a ringing and hear that there’s no sign of Zap. But from House Costanzo, a champion named Diesel, a burly dwarf psycho, has been released. He claims that he would never disgrace the House Costanzo. Something seems to be coming in our general direction from above. As they come across the Fiveleague House, they see a bunch of kung fu gorillas. Gullycloak talks to their leader and the leader scrambles to get the piece, handing it off to Harsk. They decide to head on to Harkenwold before Diesel gets back.

As they travel, Hatter gets a stitch so they rest for a bit, then move on once he catches his breath. Two logs come swinging down at Grimsbone, but it misses him. Diesel comes out with dozens of halflings, clearly being a huge pussy who can’t fight by himself. He attacks the group, but gets cut down with no mercy, scaring half of the halflings away. The rest of the halflings come swarming around them, stabbing wildly. Hatter throws some hats, but turns immediately to stone. Gullycloak cuts a rope above the logs and Grimsbone kicks the log, smacking a bunch of halflings. Harsk kills a few more, and the rest run away. Gully cures Hatter of his stony visage.

After a bunch of looting, they set off and go through some choking spores but seem to be all right. The sky bursts in excitement. From the House Bruschelli, Hawk is the new champion. Looks like a brunette archer (read: Katniss) with a braided ponytail. Hatter picks some mushrooms and gets super high. We see another dot coming down.

The trees are getting more sparse. Some velociraptors are coming with halfings riding them. They suddenly start freaking out as visions of hell plague them, and most of them scatter. After they are all crushed, shot or scattered, Hatter takes the leader’s headdress. He tries to tame a raptor and gets bit. He throws a hat on it and Harsk chops the raptor’s head off. The Hatter picks up the head, planning to use it as a puppet.

The sky lights up and House Escavel brings out their champion, Ice. Ice is wearing blue spandex with a white lightning bolt. Claims he’s going to sneak up on us. The King of Lions comes up, claiming that he’s here to watch the show. Hatter throws a hat at him. He tells them that Hawk is the greatest hunter, being able to shoot 15 arrows at once. Arnold the Lion has some cocaine and LOVES IT. He joins them temporarily in their quest. They see some dude, probably Ice, on a winged creature heading in the same direction.

As they continue, they see a gorge called the White River. Ice jumps out, blasting the ground with ice. He mocks them as he steps back, feeling a telekinetic fist up his ass. A swarm of monkeys is attempting to claw through some kind of bubble around Ice. Gullycloak accidentally throws a coin directly up Grimsbone’s ass. Ice shoots insect swarms at all of them. Arnold gets bitten really bad by the insects and doesn’t feel so good. Gullycloak casts a spell that partially shatters Ice’s bones. A tree smacks Harsk across the back. Hatter jumps gracefully across the ice and accidentally throws a hat on Arnold. Arnold shimmers out of existence and back into existence in front of Ice, then promptly drops dead. Harsk slices through the swarm and severely messes up the tree, but goes unconscious as the tree slams its limbs into his body. Gullycloak boneshatters him again. Hatter throws a hat and it goes through the bubble, but misses. He throws another hat and it lands on Ice.

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To War Once More!
Ocular Inferiority Chokes Under Pressure!

Wednesday Group 2/10/16
In game: 1/5

As they ran out to battle, some of the party stayed behind to gather further forces from the Fire Guild guards. They hear a booming voice, that sounds a lot like the old engineer that failed to make a proper dildo, who somehow projects the Blue Sign into the sky. We find out that Ocular Superiority was not always a beholder. Razzo brings the Cyclowhip out into the battle. As flares go up in the battlefield, some explosions go off in Silotown and out in the battlefield. The mortars keep going off throughout the battle and kill quite a few of the peasant forces that we gathered.

As they come on the army, they see tons of Morlocks, some Cyclopes, a crazy drillcar with a blue guy, and Edison with some kind of fireman’s hose. Ocular Superiority shoots one of the Cyclopes and explodes him, charming another. The Cyclopes fire on Dakota, but he’s a badass and laugh it off as he attacks their general. Edison blasts Ocular Superiority with some kind of slimy water and he starts hyperventilating, having trouble with his breathing. The hose seems to break for a moment as he goes to try and fix it. As the Morlocks try to fight back, Kia begins to sing songs of courage. Hiita throws a fireball at the machine, killing all the Morlocks in that area as well as Edison. The Cyclopes start attacking our crew as they get swarmed by peasants. Dakota attacks the general in a rage, but slips and falls to the ground. Varia slices and dices her way through the battle. An Earth Elemental slams against some Morlocks and a Cyclops while some black, rubbery tentacles start grappling and penetrating the Morlocks. The peasants try to kill some Morlocks. The general kills a guard, and he tries to scramble Dakota’s brains. Kia stabs a Cyclops and Hiita roasts some more Morlocks.

Sanura and Lyra come charging in with some Fire Guild guards as the drillcar erupts from the ground. Sanura orders the guards to attack as backup, while getting off a shot or two herself. A Cyclops tries to hit Lyra, but falls, leaving his neck and a starfish exposed. Some Cylcops kill a bunch of peasants and some guards. Lyra stabs the starfish and the Cyclops seems happy to help our party for now, claiming to serve Ocular Superiority once more. Dakota valiantly fights from his prone position as peasants fight for their lives.

Varia slices through a shitton of Morlocks. Garth’s elemental kills a Cyclops, some penetrating tentacles happen, and a Cyclops disappears into Garth’s robe. Razzo’s automaton kills some Morlocks. Only three peasants remain alive of the forces the Silotown Saviors gathered from outside the wall, along with a few Fire Guild guards that Sanura brought in the drillcar.

Though the army has been greatly reduced in strength, their general still threatens Dakota and several Cyclopes endanger the party. And what was in that water that caused Ocular Superiority to stop breathing? Meanwhile, explosions are occurring throughout the town. Was this army just a distraction from the true threat?

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The Contest Begins!
And FUCK BRIDGES

Saturday Group: 2/6/16
In game date: 12/28

During his time in town, the Hatter has to participate in a dance competition to settle his general mischief in Silotown, because he keeps putting hats on people. Riceface has her face melt off, leaving a skeleton head, now known as Skriceface, Mayor Hal keeps tripping. Apparently they will eventually fight wolves once we get wolves. These are part of the new laws that Gullycloak wrote for Silotown. He loses against Hal, but wins against Skriceface. He loses 1000 gp. Luca and Hatter learn to dance a little bit from Pygmy Minor.

Back in the jungle, Dale asks Reginald Denning, the gorilla hunter, about all the horrifying heads. His surface thoughts reveal that he clearly wants approval. The rest of the group ports through, and Hatter gives Reggie a hat that makes him smell really good. Luca “repairs” his gun. Kreg gives him some chocolates. When they ask about the contest, Reggie thinks that they’re complete morons. Anyone who goes to the structure can participate in the Contest and Reggie gives them a little buzzer button. They bed down for the night, and Kreg and Hatter take watch for the night.

During the night, Kreg is slowly being surrounded by tons of ants. Eventually he avoids all the ants. In the morning, they all eat breakfast. There are now hats on most of the heads, and they head to the east to go to Thunder Spire. They come across a vine bridge. Kreg goes across the bridge to tie the rope. Dale brings Hatter over and Harsk flys with his flying backpack. Luca crosses easily as well, but Mowgli goes plummeting into the abyss as the rope breaks. Kreg tries to save him by wrapping his whip around his wrist. Dale manages to save the day by grabbing both of them. As something comes through the brush, they tie a rope to Grimsbone and yank him across. The post comes flying out of the ground. Hatter touches a doll and feels a little more clumsy.

Some small, thin, plant-like humanoids start coming out of the bushes threatening Gullycloak. He releases a burst of darkness, killing all of them. Kreg manages to catch himself on the other side with Gullycloak as the bridge breaks. Gullycloak starts hacking down the tree as Harsk, Luca, and Dale pull up Grimsbone. Kreg starts gathering up the vine to do some crazy Tarzan maneuver.

Harsk fires a rope for them to slide down the rope. Gullycloak slides down but falls off, but Kreg zips over and catches him and they try to swing over, hit a tree and fall down to hit the ground. Finally they’re on their way again, and see some sort of clearing with sentient ape-creatures like a jungle Victorian London. As the group comes in, the townspeople run into the buildings. A tiny gibbon and a well-dressed orangutan come up to welcome them to Fallcrest. Hatter asks about a particular bard song and is informed of Christina Aperilera. They walk down the streets after Hatter puts hats on the two apes.

They finally make it to the tower and it seems truly massive. There are two finely dressed apes, and there is a caveman fighting a halfling, both damaged and holding daggers. It’s blood sport and the caveman dies. Hatter gives one of the apes a present as the other ape stomps off. The ape drops dead and they loot him. The tower is a giant cylinder that seems to go on forever and it seems very busy. There are cavemen fighting inside the tower. As the party approaches, the cavemen rush out to throw rice at them. The inside looks immaculate, like a royal chamber. In the back, there is a control area. As they push the button, everything goes crazy and a blue man congratulates them for playing the game. The game is to collect all the items to make the elevator move. Also several champions will be released to attack us as we go to collect these items. The first champion will be from House Burg, named Zap, a gross green-skinned human.

They quickly rush out and head to Fiveleague House. They see a dot heading off to the west, they ignore it and keep heading east. They see a wagon gibbon with some halflings and some cavemen. He sells them a metal pole, cocaine, and some poison. Kreg pickpockets him to get his gold back.

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Confronting Ocular Superiority
Preparing for War

Wednesday Group: 2/3/16
In game date: 1/5

Mayor Hal greets them at the top of the portal. He tells them about Ocular Superiority and tells them about the Fire Guild guards. There’s also an army of Morlocks, probably related to Ocular Superiority. Also Varia supposedly killed two people.

Also the Life Engine was activated and the dead began to rise and something was taken from the armory by Brother Ferris. (Also: rewind They convince Alistair to join them) Again the town is covered in lots of people, tents, and new structures. A bard plays a song about how the Silotown Saviors and how they are pretty much villains that killed angels.

They go to the wall and meet with some mercenaries led by a guy named Chickenbone. Ocular Superiority declared himself protector of the town. They go into the tent. Ocular Superiority turns one of the people into stone. He demands that they give back the pages, claiming that the Wyrms entrusted them to him.

After a lot of talking, the group erupts into battle with Ocular Superiority. Varia slashes Ocular Superiority, Fenrir scares the crap out of the worshippers, Kia jumps in with her frog to try and flank him, and Lyra bursts in as a lightning elemental. Ocular Superiority tries to charm Varia, but fails. Scares Kia and tries to stone Sanura, and severely damages Garth. He also heals himself. Varia attacks again, Kia summons a frog, Garth summons a bralani azata to attack OS, and Sanura tries to convince OS to join up with them.

Dakota tries to convince OS to fight the army outside. Dakota throws a dose of Slirnbase into OS’s mouth and another into a civilian’s mouth. Razzo nearly freaks out but his Roman Centurion ghost chills him out. Razzo activates his necklace of fireballs and hits tons of civilians and Garth. His automaton dazes Varia. Fenrir finally convinces OS to help them fight the Blue King’s army. They begin to start up their preparations for their army. Razzo charges the Silotown walls, still completely naked for some reason. They prepare for war.

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Storms, and Lizards, and Jungles

Saturday Group: 1/30/16
In game: 12/28

Flashback to the party: Dale remembers bits of the night and wakes up with similar scarrification and wakes up in a tiger skin that he helped kill last night. He learns a specific handshake and joins the Velverde jungle warriors, while Harsk joined the shaman caste. He also learned that most people take an hour to get through the storm and that most people don’t come out. He does various shopping in town.

They wake up on a cliff over the storm, and see the storm. Dale comes through and learns the situation and casts a spell on himself to endure the storm. They run into the storm and immediately can’t see anything. As they run, they get pelted with various elemental blasts. Harsk goes back for Dale after he gets pelted by an ice boulder. Gullycloak gets a little off track as he searches for Harsk and Dale, and runs straight into a lightning and hailstorm. As he tries to form up on Dale and Harsk, he gets punched by a hand of water. They finally form up and get hit with a whirlwind and Harsk is left alone as the rest of the group goes flying off in different directions. That happens again, but Harsk eventually catches up to Dale, but Gully and Grimsbone are separated. Gully gets swept up in a flash flood and summons a creature to try to switch places and meet up with everyone else. Grimsbone gets hit by a flying tree and they form up again. They tie themselves to each other and run back towards the temple. They finally break through the barrier and find themselves standing on a flat area standing at the entrance of a jungle. They see giant globules of water coming out from the storm. They see a giant black line that they head towards.

Harsk cuts some markings into the trees as they go to make sure they don’t get lost. As they travel, a four-headed plant attacks them and grapples the party except for Grimsbone. Harsk gets swallowed whole and attempts to cut his way out. Gullycloak summons a rat to bite the plant and Dale stabs and shocks the plant and they are released from the plant as it dies.

As they travel, they see lots of birds and statues of frightened creatures until they make it to a clearing with a giant centipede statue. Dale notices some disgusting bird-like creatures heading their way on the attack. Dale shoots a fireball and Harsk chops off the cockatrices’ heads. Gullycloak cures the centipede and attempts to ride the centipede as a mount. They kill it and Harsk eats it. As they travel, the group sees hundreds of lizards that they decide to avoid by taking the ridge. But as they continue, they get attacked by various lizard creatures as they travel further to the structure, but eventually lose them. They finally come across a small footpath and see a structure covered in heads of all sorts of creatures.

Gullycloak opens a door and an arrow comes flying out, striking Grimsbone in the chest. A talking gorilla is in the room, frightened, asks them to leave. He tells them at the Upstairsmen. They each give him an object in exchange for a night’s rest.

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Making a Deal with a Devil

Wednesday Group: 1/27/16
In game date: 1/4- midnight of 1/5

Dakota asks Lord Tyrus where he has unholy water. He is told by Tyrus that there is no unholy water, but Dakota claims that he made it all the way down there and asks for Jasper’s help. Fenrir and Lyra that Tyrus is hiding something. Even Tyrus admits that he doesn’t know if there are Devils down in the tunnel at all. Fenrir attempts to blackmail Tyrus into giving us equipment and weapons. Tyrus tells them to head to the garden, and addresses the crowd, undermining the group’s credibility.

Downstairs, Garth determines that the water they see is not the source of the healing water, it’s very diluted. He determines that there is a central pipe that they need to check out.

Upstairs, Jasper informs them that Razzo captured his friends and seems uncomfortable. Dakota convinces Jasper that he will bring Jasper some ghosts to replace the ones Razzo stole. Dakota is unsure as to whether it’s a good idea to go down into the tunnel. They head down.

As the group regroups, they feel the cold close in around them, and they see a woman thrashing around in the water. As Dakota attempts to rescue her, she disappears and some sort of devil appears and conjures a wall of ice. Lyra attempts to call lightning on it, but it doesn’t work. Dakota launches himself out of the water and attempts to attack the devil. Dakota jumps up to attempt to attack the devil, but fails. The devil summons some bone Devils but Garth manages to remove it from time with a time elemental temporarily. Sanura throws a bomb but it doesn’t seem to work. Lyra tries to shoot the devil, but plants her feet wrong and slips into the water. Garth dispels an ice wall and heads toward the source of the pipe, while his elemental removes a bone devil from time.

As Sanura gets attacked by a bone devil, she stabs it right back. Lyra climbs out of the water and shoots at the bone devil. Eventually all of the Devils disappear. They head to a chamber filled with tons of massive pipes. Fenrir divines some creature standing next to a man in a turtleneck. As they head through the doors, the man claps and says that he expected more from all the stories he has heard. He reveals that he is David, son of Vashara and James, and that he’s been here for many years. He lives down here in a mutual arrangement with Tyrus. He tells them that the water protects everyone on the Chateau, courtesy of Michael. He asks them to kill Michael and they will be rewarded. The group discusses it and goes in to the room to meet Michael. Lyra stays behind, unable to compromise her morals.

They tell him what happened and free him. He immediately rebinds himself. Fenrir and Dakota chop him up and try to keep him from regenerating. Eventually they kill Michael.

As they walk out of the tunnel with the angel corpse, they tell them everything that happened. Absolute anarchy breaks out and the land begins to burn and die. The devils begin fighting the angels and reward the portion of the group that killed Michael. They get word through the portal that Ocular Superiority has shown up and that the Life Engine has been activated. Hal nervously accepts several high-power devils’ aid in protecting Silotown. Lyra regards the rest of the group with disgust and goes through the portal to solve the problem of Ocular Superiority.

After a bit of looting the Chateau, the rest of the group teleport home with Garth to see what can be done to stop Ocular Superiority.

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Travelling Down into the Tunnel

Wednesday Group 1/20/16
In game: 1/3-1/4

The group is informed that there is a dinner tonight. Garth finds out about gnomes and their portals and what they brought back. Sanura learns about devils and how Vashara thinks they’re cool. Lyra makes some clippings of various edible plants. Fenrir goes to their chapel to learn about their holy figures. He finds out about the paradise from this guy, who claims they live in peace because they worship Heliod and Pellor. Fenrir taunts the poor guy and learns that Alistair is praying downstairs. Both exchange passive-aggressive barbs at each other for the next hour. Razzo heads to the garden (filled with dick hedges for some odd reason) and tries to entice the ghosts, presumably so he can capture them. He gets pegged by some mischievous ghosts and sucks one into his mysterious arm-canister. Another ghost falls for his ploy.
Dakota goes to the gym, sees people exercising, practicing, and dueling. They practice yoga with Dakota. Dakota arm wrestles with a guard and takes him done. He also learns that apparently even the atmosphere seems to slow the aging. He also finds out that smugglers make their way through the tunnels through the waterways under the mountain.

The party regroups at dinner with Gabriel and some other angel with blue skin named Lord Tyrus. They inform Tyrus that they are searching for Alistair, and he responds by starting a sermon about Pellor. He even invites them to stay forever if they wish and promises to show them the land beyond. Razzo and Sanura query as to whether the gods manifest on this plane, but Tyrus reveals that he has an ulterior motive: he wishes to know about Hampton, and mentions that rock music seems to have played a part in its downfall. They tell him that there is nothing left of Hampton.

They head out to the garden. As part of Razzo’s performance, he captures two more ghosts. The angels don’t seem to understand, but they pray anyway. The group spends the night in various ways (Sanura gets lucky and succeeds). During the night, Fenrir heads to the barracks and checks out their weapons. Lyra cuts the hedges into vaginas, and Razzo does something during the night.

In the morning of 1/4, Garth tries to clean himself of the unholy water and asks someone to clean him with holy water. They eat breakfast and head to where the pilgrims pray. Beautiful paradise awaits them, haven’t seen anything like this before. He reiterates his warning and finally leads them to Alistair. He no longer looks old, and is surprised that they have done all these great deeds. Sanura keeps trying to convince Alistair to return to Silotown, while Dakota just saunters in. As he travels, he feels burned by the aura of the evil.

An angel flies over to them and tells them that Dakota is dead. The group heads down anyway. As the group gets damaged, Fenrir and Lyra move back. Sanura and Garth keep heading down, flanked by a positive energy elemental. They disappear into the darkness. Up top, everybody is told that Sanura and Garth burned up because they were not pious enough.

Lemures move up to Sanura and Garth, who are not dead. They mention that Tyrus has been asking for food for them. Sounds like he’s working for the devils. As long as the water flows, Michael is trapped. Sanura offers them Bloodcorn and draws a dagger. Dakota, who is not dead, kills the lemure.

Up top, Fenrir attempts to convert Alistair into worshipping Ing. Lyra attempts to get some cows. Razzo calls for a ghost and gives a bizarre list of items. He converses with the ghosts for a while.

The group figures out that they need unholy water for everybody and Dakota runs all the way back up. Dakota, Lyra, and Fenrir gather up to get some unholy water.

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Welcome to the Jungle!
Party Time, Excellent!

Saturday group 1/16/2015
In game date: 12/25-12/28

In a flash, Santa drops them off and gives Harsk and Gullycloak some simple, but festive gifts. They find themselves on a seashore near a temperate jungle. Way in the distance, across the ocean, they can see peaks.

They seem to be in a village of halflings dressed in Amazon-like clothes. There is a black box containing the pages of the Blue King in the bowels of the silo in Silotown.

Gully summons a creature and then seems to disappear for a moment. Luca, Grimsbone, and two English guys run around in the newly arisen jungle around the Spire of the Life Engine until they ran into the followers of the Faceless One. Luckily, they managed to avoid the countless zombies, but neither of the English guys survived. As they bed down and begin to get ready for the night, Gullycloak appears in a puff of smoke. Gullycloak tells Luca and Grimsbone the situation and hands Grimsbone his Christmas present. One little tear shows up in Grimsbone’s eye. They head back to Silotown.

Back with Harsk, an aging Halfling tells him that the spirits have told him that they would need a guide and that Harsk would die saving the world from the horrors. He hands Harsk a gourd and urges him to partake, which Harsk does without hesitating. Things begin to warp and a party begins. Swimming Bird, the shaman is a close friend now. A crazy drug trip happens, and Harsk begins to have out of body experiences as he learns lots of information. Orgies and shit. He learns that the pages are due east from their location, a special insane place in the jungle with a constant storm for as long as anybody remembers, where nobody goes. Once every three months, the Death Storm will calm at certain points where certain death is not inevitable. In a week, this death storm will abate. (Dale and Hatter are there as well, partying, make sure to mention this.)

In Silotown, the group is harassed by the monks with stone armis searching for the Blue Sign. The town is bustling and looks nothing like how they remember it. Tents are everywhere, with makeshift roads and droves of people drinking and having a blast.

In the morning of 12/26, Harsk wakes in the fishing village of Waveland with three halfling maidens and is struggling to return to reality. He has a few scar marks and feels a strong kinship, and learns that he’s married to these three ladies, Pill Head, Snake Bridge, and Arrow Train. He spends the day with the maidens and gets Pill Head totally pregnant. Back in Silotown, Gully tries to help Hal fix up the town and begins writing up religious law and plans to start the Church of Ashava. Gullycloak finishes the Celestial Compendium. The Faceless One cult is building the church for Gullycloak.

Gully does some proseletyzing and warps around, doing stuff that Andrew can edit in later.

Some dwarves talk to Luca, asking for orders about when to mobilize their armies. Luca says “You’ll know the signal when you see it.” The dwarves take this to heart and spread the word.

When they come back, Harsk is totally naked with the three ladies, but puts some clothes on at much urging. He tells them about everything he learned. They have another crazy party. Luca, Grimsbone, and Harsk party down while Gully dances in the moonlight by himself. Luca learns of an elemental temple that can bless them in dealing with the storm. He also gives up all of his gold to his business partner, Sunny Bows, who claims that he sells noise cancelling earmuffs. In 9 months, he’ll make 40% profit. Harsk learns that the guy at the elemental temple has a zoo of undead dinosaurs, make him feel like he’s important. The temple has a ring of control undead and that’s how he controls the dinos. Grimsbone has a good time. Gullycloak prays to Ashava for guidance and news of the Northern Kingdom.

In the morning of 12/27, Harsk’s wives and Swimming Bird join the group. They head to the undead dino temple. Gullycloak reminds Harsk that he has a family now and needs to protect them. Swimming Bird speaks with Gullycloak about their ancestors and Gully convinces him to join the religion of Ashava. As the night falls, the wives and Swimming Bird set up camp for the party outside the temple. The party sees an overgrown tower in the jungle, like the front of an abandoned cathedral. They knock on the door and the door crashes open. A man of great stature tells them to go away and pours some rancid fish stew on Gullycloak and Grimsbone. Gullycloak pulls out a piano while Luca pulls out his noise cancelling earmuffs and offers them to the giant. Luca goes inside and sees a giant open temple. He sees many undead dinosaurs. After the giant takes the earmuffs, he sits down with tears of joy. The party regroups and the giant takes them up the stairs. Luca convinces the giant to join his Ponzi scheme of earmuffs. The giant cleric of primeval elements blesses the party.

They move double time to the temple. The storm is horrifying and reaches to the sky. It fires lightning, and snow and fire and clouds in all directions. It seems like it could destroy anything. Harsk sends his wives through to Silotown, knowing that what is coming is far too dangerous for him to risk his family.

The next day will be 12/28.

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CHRISTMAS IS SAVED

Saturday Group 1/19/2015
In-game date 12/25

Gullycloak brings Donner back to life through the grace of his goddess, Ashava. The reindeer encircle Gullycloak, questioning his motives and wondering how he plans to save Christmas. Gully says they have to fix the sleigh’s reins and destroy the blue orb.

Kreg and Harsk run through the room. The tree in the middle of the room spins, sending Christmas ornaments flying at them, which they manage to dodge. Dale shoots some magic missiles at an elf in keeping with his bad boy persona. The Krampus loves his performance. Gully asks them to help him talk to Santa in exchange for fixing the sleigh.

Dale creates an illusory screech behind the elves and they flail, causing utter bedlam as some get stuck in oozing pudding. Some of the elves are dressed up as jungle animals, trying to sing along in all the chaos. Some more Christmas ornaments fly towards Kreg and Harsk that seems to slow them down.

Gully fixes some of the reins on the sleigh as he’s trying to convince the reindeer for help. Krampus starts throwing elves at Dale in his mirth. The lights and a siren go off as Kreg throws a shuriken with a note for Santa at his door. The doors blast open towards us. Santa comes through the doors, booming and covered in red garments.

A secret door opens in the stable through to a dumpster area where the presents are being dumped into a sack. Krampus senses that Santa is in trouble and heads that way. Kreg begins to move back towards the stage room, while Harsk tries to bluff Santa into letting him see the orb. Dale overtakes Krampus and gets hit by a Christmas ornament, knocking him prone. Santa compels Harsk to ask Krampus to take him home.

Gullycloak rides a reindeer and asks him to go see Santa. Krampus promises to take them home, claiming that he’ll take their souls as well. Gullycloak blasts past them on Rudolph, heading toward Santa as Dale goes down in a cloud of smoke. Kreg goes to assist Gullycloak. Dale gets hit by another grenade and the Krampus seems to get ready to swallow him, but he gets hit by a bomb, dropping Harsk.

Kreg pantses Santa and rushes in to his workshop. Another bomb lands right on Krampus. Dale is hit with an ornament covering him in grease, as he hovers at the edge of death. Gully tries to cure him of the Blue King’s influence, and Kreg gets compelled to talk to Krampus. Krampus teleports away because he’s a coward, claiming he will be back for Harsk next Christmas. Harsk rushes to heal Dale, but Dale gets entangled by a tar bomb. Kreg catches an ornament.

Gullycloak summons some frogs that attempt to break the Blue King snow globe. The globe bursts into a swirling vortex of water, coral, and he sees a face in the vortex. Santa’s eyes roll into the back of his head, vomiting blue liquid all over the ground. Gullycloak hands him a bracelet and Santa decides to wear it. He claims that he has to help fix Christmas. Dale breaks out of his tar and the tree stops bombarding them.

They go back and are told they get a present for saving Christmas. All the elves go to help decurse the presents. Dale was uncursed of his evil inclinations. Kreg looks through some stuff. The gang gets some presents! The rest of the elves are frantically working to fix Christmas. The group begins to head on their way to the jungles in the northeast.

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